She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
