I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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