I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
