It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
