Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Randomize
