Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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