I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
we should paint friendship bongs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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