I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
