We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
