So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
