I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
