if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
