So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize