i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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