um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
