You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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