friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
