the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
