honey bunches of taint.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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