GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
