your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
