I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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