I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize