I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
