I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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