you guys were way drunker than both of me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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