I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
