I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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