I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
