2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
