i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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