coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
