Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
