I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
