we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
