I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
