WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
