Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
