She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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