I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
