true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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