I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
