My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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