If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
