Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
