As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
