I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
