The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize