God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize