maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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