she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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