You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize