If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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