I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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