Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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