It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
