do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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