You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
