Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize