So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
