I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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