I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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