What did we do last night that was yellow?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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