i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
