I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
