We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
