So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
