sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
