why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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